For the next 30 days.

You guys recall the guy who ate Mcdonalds for a month. Well I was thinking about that, and I thought that I would give myself a challenge. For the next 30 days I am not going to eat meat, or anything that is bad for me. I have gone to the gym for the past 4 days in a row, and I have 26 more to go. They say you make a habit of something if you do it 30 days in a row, so here is hoping that sticks.

I am sore all over, but have to keep it up every day using different muscle groups. Pin is temporary life style change is forever. 180 seems so far away. I have to keep pushing myself, and not give up this time. There are people who are in a lot worse shape than I am who have lost a lot more weight than I have. It may take six seven months. Something that keeps me focued is I have been taking a picture of myself ever Sunday, and hopefully one day show a time lapse video on You Tube to all my friends, and maybe inspire some people to become healthy. You don't lose weight to be healthy, you get healthy to lose weight.

No meat, Gym every day....for the next 30 days well 26 I have already done 4.

A game of inches

Life like Al Pacino said in a famous football movie is just a game of inches. Today was my first weigh in and I lost two pounds. Very good for a first week. I have 43 more to go. Some people might not have been happy with two pounds. I wish it was better sure, but it is better than nothing. I am going to take it however I can get it. Rome was not built in a day, and this time I am going to keep fighting. Mile on the treadmill by mile. Rep on the weight machine by rep. Push up by push up.

My two pounds may just be two but I am going to fight and claw my way to where I need to be. There is nothing that is going to stop me. Inch by mother fucking inch. I may have made mistakes in my past but that was then this is now. I am going to make it. A man who lives in the past does not live at all. This is my battle this is my journey my quest. In the end I am going to get to where I need to be. Because I know when I add up all those inches it's going to make the fucking difference.

On a side note thank you for all those who have commented on blog and have sent me private messages. You guys keep me going. Love you all

Anthony

223

Top of a mountain

Day 6 in my 180 or bust. It has been a long week especially for someone who has not had a job. I have been to the gym every other day this week and plan on going to the gym tomorrow and Sunday and having my weigh in on Sunday. I have been busy working on something I can not discuss yet do not worry nothing illegal, and may be something that changes my life , or it may not but at least it was fun and it was a shot worth taking.

Throughout this whole week I have been trying to find motivation. I think yeah my health but being relatively young that has not set in yet. I think of women , but then I think to myself would I really want to be with someone who would not like the overweight version of myself. I have musings of how great it would be to be 180 , finish my degree and have a family. Then something crosses my mind and I think what happens when I get there. Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Is it going to really be everything I wanted or just replaced with another set of goals, and turn into a viscous cycle of looking for things that I do not have and feeling inadequate for not having these things? To me this is an interesting question is this part of the natural human condition. I would like to think that unmotivated people still have things they want to do and want to better themselves. Is it just me because I am stuck in a situation that I am that I am desperate to get out of?

Is this the path to true happiness fitting in a medium t shirt having paper that can get me things and having a "mate". Will these things make me find enlightenment. Few people find true happiness and I tend to think that the most happy people on Earth are the ones who lead simpler lives.

Enough philosophy babble. I am doing good killing it at the gym. I did well with my eating save one day when I had Chinese take out which I still feel bad about. I should not let it get to me it is just one meal in a long journy

"By knowing things that exist, you can know that which does not exist."-Miyamoto Musashi

The fairer sex

Day 2 of my journey that I hope continues my life time. I had a good Day one at the gym and hope to have a good second day. I feel much better was fighting a cold the first time so I should be able to do more this time around. My moral could be better , but I have to keep reminding myself that Rome was not built in a day and that getting out of this mess is going to take time. I am lucky that I met some very awesome people in Palm Coast that make this much easier to live here. I love it here but I hate it here.

I love it here because the weather is awesome I am so close to the beach and there is actually wild life here. I hate it here due to me not being here by choice , and being put in the situation that I am in. As I try to keep my head up it is sometimes hard when you go on a social networking sight and see people doing so well. Not that I do not feel happy for them any one that know me well knows that I am not a selfish person and love to see people happy and am truly happy for them. I really would like a job and to advance my social status. I should be starting a career instead of doing the things that I am doing here waiting for something to come my way so I can go to school and then after two years get a job that I would like.

I get lonely in Palm Coast a lot . Not as much as I used to when I did not have friends here. I do not miss my ex but it was nice having someone around all the time. I think as humans we all like to have mates and spend so much of our time looking for one.

As you may have read in my earlier posts I have gained and lost weight my whole life . I was a fat kid. Then lost all my weight about the time it was summer for middle school. Was skinny and in shape throughout high school. Was big in college and lost weight again in college. Then when I drooped out and was with my ex gained the most weight of my life. One thing remains true I have never had a girlfriend in my life as the big version of me. This either means that women are very superficial , or it has a lot to do with my confidence levels . I am pretty certain the latter is true. While the former may be true for some women , lets be certain that they are no where near as superficial as men.

I would like to lose this weight to live a longer time and if I do find someone that is for me to live with her for a long time. I am getting older where I care less for looks and more for someone that well one can share a life with. I know that one of you is reading this and thinking this is not the Anthony I know. Well I put up a good front. Heh. This Blog is keeping me motivated. Losing weight is part of my three step attack that I would like to finish in the next three years.

1. Goal Weight

2. B.A.

3. Well paying job in my field.

The last one I would like to accomplish as well but not in a strict timeline.

4. Find I nice female I can have fun with and go from there.

Gym tomorrow. Weigh in on Monday.

Anthony C.

Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.

It's a rainy day here in Palm Coast. I had a very interesting night last night with the Palm Coast crew. Irish Pubs are always a good time ; those people really know how to party. So today I went to Publix and decided to weigh myself to see my starting weight. In order to get it accurate I will be doing my weigh ins with shoes on. I would feel very odd walking into Publix barefoot like some red neck.

I was not to happy with the wight that came up it was 220 pounds. That means that I have gained 20 pounds since the Holidays. My goal weight is 180. Now a lot of you may be thinking 220 is not that big however I am a short guy and am only 5'6. I will be doing weekly weigh ins.

My plan is to go to the gym for at least one hour every other day. Doing a combination of cardio and weight lifting with a balanced diet. No gimmicks no potions no bull crap. Just old school weight loss method.

I'm nervous not about the work or the eating I am scared of failing again. Though I think this time I am going to get it so we shall see. I have faith that I can do it and overcome it. I have a shirt that my brother gave me for Christmas. It's a very nice dress shirt that probably set him back a good chunk of money. However I have yet to wear it. It's a "Large but one of those large that are for people who have muscles and not a big Buddha belly. So that will be my goal.

Tomorrow is shall begin 180 or bust all I ask is one of my female friends go shopping with me when I have to buy all new clothes .

A little bit about me you may or may not know.

So it's Saturday March 20'th 2010 CE , and I decided that I am sick of the way things are going with me at the moment. I don't know if anyone will read this , and if someone does that is great. However that is not the point. I think that if I share my story to anyone , or even if it just stays in the vast wasteland of unread , and discarded blogs on the great world wide web that is good enough for me. I think I will start with a more intimate look at myself. If you do not care to know then click the little "x" or back button on your preferred browser. If you do decide to stay abadon all hope all ye who enter here.

Well let me start with the basics. My name is Anthony Daniel Cardoso I'm 26 years old live in my parents house in Palm Coast. Which is not my choice I am here due to reasons I will get into later. I am a nerd I like all kinds of games and technology. I am no where near the life goals I have set for myself at this age. I am also overweight and blading. I know I sound like a cliche loser , but unlike most I do not choose to be in this situation. I have a lot of ambition and want to further my life much more than what it is now.

Some of you who knew me when I was a teenager knew a very different me. I was a confident fit attractive guy. Who did very well in High school and was ready to go to college and take on the world. Something I do not know what happened during my time from my graduation till now , but it has been such a well from the lack of a better term cluster fuck since then.

During the summer of 2002 I moved to Orlando to live with in college housing and go to community college. I could have easily been accepted into a four year school , but decided to go to one to save money. However I did want to move out and go though the rite of passage that any young person should go through when they move out. I have always been a very independent person, and wanted to make my mark on the world. My roommate for my first year (all names have been changed to protect the innocent we shall call him Bob. Bob was a partier. The kind of guy who went to "keggers" every weekend. While he was a decent guy it was not the best roommate I could have had my first year away from home. I went from a solid 175 pounds to a very overweight 240. I guess that was my freshman 65. I am not blaming it on him , but I am a person who usually becomes like the people am I around. To this day I do not know if it is a weakness. I was surrounded by good friends in Orlando.

As my weight gained and my drinking got worse. My studies started to decline. Some of my friends think I have A.D.D. I still am not so sure if I do or do not. So I decided that I was going to move out and find a more mature roommate. I had met a very interesting guy who had his shit together by the name of Cade. Now Cade was going through some relationship issues if I recall correctly , and he was going to move out. So I moved in with him to an apartment in Longwood. I lived there for three years. Cade was like a big brother and taught me a lot of things about life. I redoubled my efforts and was doing well in school , and even got back to my fighting weight of 170. I was convinced if I could lose the weight I would be able to get a girlfriend again. I had not had once since I had gained weight.

Those years at the apartment in Longwood were the best of my 20's so far. I was happy things were going well. I was working going to school and everything seemed to be on course. During those years I would meet people who would become my friends until this day. Jon N. Shannon Josh and a host of others. Now during my first year living some of my good friends from high school has moved up to Orlando as well. Danny V Dennis Jason ,and Brain. I was in Longwood and did not spend as much time with them as I wanted to. However my lunches on campus with Dennis are very memorable. For the first time in a while I was where I needed to be. I wanted to have a degree something that would set me apart. I may not be the smartest man on Earth , but I am no fool.

Everything changed when I became engrossed in a certain online game. For those of you who do not know online game can be very addictive and really be like drugs. I was not going out with my friends any more . All I would do is work school play...work school play. Work play. My grades went down into a void and I have some nasty "W's" on my transcript. Now my GPA is still fine but I do not have a B.A. to this day it is something that kills me everyday. It is a goal in my life and it is something that I will do before I die.

So I met a woman online. I know what you are thinking how weird. We met and long story short I moved up with her where she lived in Virgina. It lasted three years and I have to say the relationship was not good. I gained weight due to depression. . Cade told me this would happen and he was always correct about his observations. He was always a good friend and the way I left the apartment bothers me to this day. I'm not going to go into details but I was a complete dick about it. So she was playing online game I was not out relationship went south. It was not long until she left for some other guy. She left me high and dry and with no place to go. So that is how I got here

That was the worst month in my life. She left me I lost my job and one of my friends died all in a span of three days. I can not recall much of it. It was really a blur. Throughout this whole time with my ex. I kept in touch with Jon N. He is about the best friend I could have had. I must say this I have always been surrounded by amazing people.

May 2009 I came back to Florida with my tail between my legs. I had not seen or talked to people who were always there. I was scared they would think I was a huge asshole. I had also gained weight to about 260 pounds. My first week down I saw Jon again and everything was great. I was in such a depressed haze. I would have to say this was the worst days of my life. I felt like a failure. I have no degree. I was discarded because I gained weight , I was 25 living in my parents house. There was no way out.

About two weeks after I came back to Florida. I went to south Florida . To stay at my brothers house. I saw a bunch of old and great friends. Alex L someone who inspired me to lose weight. Alex if you read this I'm trying man. Mitch on of the smartest funny guys ever. James "good times" H Dennis this guy can always make your day ,and my brother. Sure my brother and I may butt heads now and again though I know though his gruff exterior he has a heart of gold. He has always pushed me to do better.

After that I came back started killing it at the gym got to 225. I'm still there. I also met some awesome people in my math class in Palm Coast. So here I am trying to get my degree lose weight and get a job. Become an educated productive healthy member of society.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am in this position because of me. I have no one to blame but myself.

I may not have the money to go back to school yet. However let me focus on the things I can change my weight. For me it's not just about looking good or being healthy. It is a way to start me on the correct path. To get me started to become that person I know I can be.

3/20/10

Anthony C